Wild Turkey

I'll have to postpone my post about going to the play Wicked until later next week.
Why?
Cuz one of my corespondents, Wanga Kong, has provided me with a video that is far and beyond out of control.

There are a few things you should know before watching this video..
Although of age, not that it matters, I do not drink alcohol. But that doesn't mean I don't know anything about it. I am always entertained with the names of the drinks, you know Adios Motha Effa all the way to Jungle Juice. You see I've taken such a liking to this whole creative drink thing that part of me lives as the bartender known as Dr. Mixologist. Did I mention I have incredible flare.
I even have drinks of my own .. signature being Swamp Water.
When people ask me to drink, I always say no

What kind of bartender doesn't drink? Well this one. However to dodge the rush of questions that follow the declaration of sobriety I often use the line

" I only drink Wild Turkey."

Tha GDDB

My favorite drink ever, Why? Not because I love straight bourbon whiskey. Just listen to some of the names it goes by.

Wild Turkey Aka the Gobble Gobble Aka The Kickin Chicken Aka Thunder Chicken Aka Boat Gas Aka The Dirty Bird

Possibly my favorite, just because Dirty Bird has such a bad connotation but it could just mean a filthy bird or The Atlanta Falcons.

Hotlanta

You see Wild Turkey aint to be messed with because its not 80 proof like most bourbons, no this is at a standard of 101 proof

Now after you watch this video you will see the direct connection between Wild Turkey and Wild Turkeys


This video is a lengthy 5 minutes or so but if you can watch the whole thing its quietly entertaining.


There are a couple things I like about this video.
1) Wild Turkeys... Just like the drink they are not to be messed with because they will jack you up... or even worse steal your roads. Even In the video that crazy man says

" I know Turkeys can be very aggressive"

2) The man himself. First if you watch the whole video you actually see his face at the end. Goofy and ridiculous but totally awesome. But that's not the best part. I think the best part is how he sweet talks the dirty birds the whole time. From the high pitched voice to the line

" What is that about? What is that about? Are you guys photogenic or what?"

Eventually the man leaves, with the parting words of

" see you Turks later"

hahah That's funny to me.

3) The fearlessness of the Wild Turkeys -
Towards the end more cars come, the man screams anyone have a gun? Turkeys Chillin
A car drives by and honks the horn - Turkeys kickin it
Dogs start barking from somewhere, Assume a car. - Turkeys unphased.
As the road narrows the Birds just bunch together and hold their ground.


I hope you enjoyed this moment as much As TK did.
One day Dr. Mixologist will make a drink known as Crazy Donkey in Honor of Wild Turkey. Yea? Oh Yea

" The Dirrty Bird"

-ThaTKy

Tha Ugly Truth

So I saw this movie called The Ugly Truth. It was really funny, but as soon as I went into the theater with a couple of my close friends who looked at me with respect, I came out with 2 of them begging me to tell them it aint so...

You see this movie, explains that The Ugly Truth is exactly that guys don't care much about personalities or your problems or intricacies and they Just care about looks and sex and flirting...

... you see care shouldn't even be the word, because guys don't care...

And if you are a girl, you can't over-analyze , you can't be conservative and you can't be yourself if you actually want a guy to pay you attention. And that's the bottom line.
And that's the Ugly Truth the movie leaves you with...

So when Kassi looked at me and said is all of that true? I was hesitant to answer.. cuz that movie may have been offensive to girls. A lot of it actually was true...I had to chose my words wisely because I couldn't bear living with those pretty blue eyes zeroing in red on my face in anger. And I wouldn't know what to tell my mom If I came home with black eye after I told Courtney That guys really do like Boobs. You see there wasn't a clear cut happy ending if you were smart. But there was one if you were smarter... and IKY was Smarter.

Yea..There we go.. Smarter

The whole premise is this " Douchebag" Guy (Mike) teaches the uptight girl(Abby) how to get a guy. You know by flirting/ being more sexual and essentially not being herself. And she gets him.
Eventually Mike falls for her and they end up together at the end of the movie.


So moral of the story is Be a Ho to get the guy, and Douchebags finish first.

But its not. Because the initial relationship ends up failing because Abby can't be herself. Mike ends up admitting his flaws and essentially confesses to selling but not buying his own product. He loves the real her, not the new one he almost created. And when he finishes first with Abby he is no longer a Douchebag

So here are the truths... human beings naturally like physical features. It's quite inevitable unless trained I would think.

So I think its funny when some girls get mad if their Sig other thinks someone else is pretty. In the words of Kanye's Late.. ah ha ha ha hawwww..please stop ya cryin http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n0ZG_OVsTbA

Sure I would love it if a pretty girl flirted and played games with me. But once I find out I'm in the same routine that every guy goes through I'm bout to get furious. And sure this goes both ways. I don't wanna play games forever either.. cuz that's fin to get annoying really quick.

I might get some shit for this but real guys don't always think about sex. I have an imagination and I think about a lot of things. Bears, Superpowers, music, dancing, Jenga, Spaghetti, deciding whether to take the cake knowing that The icing comes with it.... the list goes on and my mind wanders. So I would like some one who can talk about me about a bunch of stuff. And I would think Girls would like someone with the same characteristics, more than looks. If you are constantly pushing your chest forward then maybe I will be thinking about something else... or maybe ill be wondering why you are standing so funny. Looks aren't everything cuz at the end of the day, everyone gets old.

I think a lot of the guy stereotype,even though it is wrong, has become real. Its partly due to girls of ill will. If you stay true to who you are Miss UptightIDon'tWannaBeAHoeIWantToBeAppreciatedForWhoIAm, Then maybe there will be more people like you so you can change your last name and Maybe guys will get the hint:

" if I don't respect girls, ill never get one"

I think the real Ugly Truth(For "guys"), if you can call it ugly, is that girls have a more power than you think. Somebodies gotta take a stand before anything can change in the ways men and women interact.

There was one more thing that the movie made a deal about: Girls being uptight and over analyzing.. its not necessarily a bad thing. But once you find someone you trust I think you should let up a little. Sure most guys are horrible, I agree. But not all of them, at least I hope not. You can have list of things you want in guy. But never be super strict to it. And never make some sort of game that us guys have to live up to and win. Because Contrary to some songs, when love becomes a game you'll end up losing. But honestly if you want the perfect guy... then by all means go ahead...

Power of Suggestion has taken over most of the female population

So to all the girls that were heart broken and are rethinking how to get a guy after watching that movie... chill. You can be yourself, just make sure that if you met yourself you would have a good time with yourself. Because if you wouldn't want to hang out with yourself, why would anyone else?
And to my lovely friend Kassi, thanks for having such a questioning and smart personality and talking to me about this so intricately . The world needs more people like u.

Thanks for listening.

- I would like to take this moment to encourage all water drinkers to stop buying water bottles and consider purchasing an Aluminum container.Not necessarily to protect yourself from harmful contaminants from plastic but to save the environment mainly.
http://www.sigg.com/

Gotta love the otters

Anyway When Tha Express runs by next time I will cover my experience at the Civic Theater where I watched Wicked, and I will explain how superheroes so easily become villains... Including myself.

"My Patience is Driving Me Crazy"

-ThaTKy

Michael Jackson : How To Live Forever

A few days ago we witnessed the death of an entertainer, a singer, a dancer and a legend. Michael Jackson. Let's face it, you can name any MJ song and its probably a good one. I think it's sad how people appreciate someone after they are gone. Or how people become more sensitive and aware of their actions for a few weeks after a tragic event and then the cycle repeats.

As you know Michael was always pushed as a child star, to achieve greatness was his goal. Never got to live like us I suppose. You kno, Have fun doing relaxing things, being a kid what not. Being surrounded by controversy is something any of us could only handle for limited amounts of time. This guy had to live it.

From the skin color change, which was a choice after being diagnosed with a disease known as vitiligo, to neverland ranch to the baby over the balcony: the media and all those ill of self-thought battered and abused this star. Seeming to forget what he had actually brought to us with his hard work. A life a of music, Rhythm, dance moves, style and the fight for peace. For what ever wrong he did or may have been accused of, perhaps the media created their own monster and they are to blame. But he will not be remember for that, no not at all.

You see.. Everyone who dances, or wants to dance.. Wants to dance like Michael. Not like Usher, Omarion, or Chris Brown because they too just wanted to dance like Michael.

and you know everyone has tried the moonwalk, the lean, the leg kick, grab and high pitched "ooo".

and you must understand that every music video can only wish that they could be like thriller, beat it, black or white, or smooth criminal.

Any fan of music has to appreciate MJ cuz with out him there wouldn't be much music, there wouldn't be hits that last forever, just good songs that fade away like we have today. When I was in 8th grade my friend and I dressed up as MJ for Halloween and danced in our humanities room. Probably they coolest Halloween I've had.

The Greatest

Out of all the dance moves I can do, I still can't moonwalk like MJ. But I still try.
My friend Jesus Shuttlesworth used to tell me.
....... "If nobody's hatin on you, then you're not doin your job"
With success follows the people who want to bring us down. That's the price of fame.

Even though MJ died, He's going to be remembered for his music and the entertainment and peace he brought to the world. The true power of music, bringing people together, is what Michael accomplished. At least now he won't feel the pain that whirl pooled into more treacherous life events.

Rest In Peace MJ

Always with smile

-Your Fan TK

"Every day create your history - Every path you take you're leaving your legacy"
-ThaTKy

Girls Round The World Ain't Nothin But Trouble

Actually, either gender tend to cause more trouble than good. But for the sake of a Will Smith Song reference, the title will stay.

In today's express I will cycle through my perspective on how I feel about girls, reveal some surprising facts, bash on a few nameless cats, and end with a comic strip picture of my life.

I've been noticing a lot of trends that kinda make me wonder whats up with everyone these days on FB. Such as the like function, where you don't have to say anything you just say you like something... or the being able to be Fans of certain things " TK became a Fan of getting rid of the "like" button" Anyway FB suggests topics to you that you may be a fan of. Examples being "Singing in the Car", "Diet Coke", and "Megan Fox"

I decided to check out that page, only to read the scoundrel thoughts of many sexually ravaging over how hot they believed Megan Fox to be. Rather than taking this edition into the realm of calling all guys out... I will switch it up and continue with my Revelation that day.

I soon realized, that I think Megan Fox is nothing special to me looks wise... not that is should matter but this is how im connecting to you men.
Yes my fellow XY's .. I am dead serious.
I soon began to wonder... about some other celebrity females Such as Jessica Simpson, Taylor Swift ..etc. and I felt the same way... not that they are ugly, but nothing special to me at all.
Perhaps It was the signal in my life that I was gay... Contrary to some beliefs, this is not true, for I do think a lot of people are very pretty, and there are some who I would stutter my vocabulary in front of them unconsciously. But I relegate those thoughts to myself only.



...The unravelment of the situation is simple: It's a Major factor and a Minor Factor.

The Minor: Call me Kylan, but I have a crazy distaste for make-up on girls. Especially when it becomes a necessity. If you can't get out of the house with out your eyeliner then forget your chances with me. It's the necessity to be covered up behind some sort of mask that bothers me. It can also get extreme, there was a girl back in high school, who I never knew. But my best friend and I referred to her as Cake Face. For all I know she didn't like sweets, lost her birth certificate and never had a birthday, nor had cake thrown in her face... But she wore an assemblage of foundation, so much that if you took your finger and poked her cheek, you would probably sink in half an inch and scoop up something similar to frosting. So the name stuck, never told it to her cake face cuz that would be mean, but I vowed I would never date a cake face. It gets the to point where there are 2 people, one with so much make up and one without,it could get crucial when it comes to emergencies too! heck how am I supposed to save you in a crazy flood if all your makeup is washed off and I can't even recognize you!? Jokes aside, I think regardless of what gender you are you should be comfortable in your own skin and not depend on cosmetics or clothes or what have you for security.

The Major: You can be as pretty as you want, but I know nothing about you. Therefore I am not drawn to you at all. What if Megan Fox is racist? Or if

Taylor Swift is a gold digger? Or if Jessica Simpson told me that Will Smith wasn't really that awesome! That's not certainly something to go lady gaga over. So when Asked the question, who do I think is really gosh darn pretty? Most of my answers were in the form of people I know personally. Sure I had some TV people, but the more I thought about it it wasn't the actress herself, it was the character in the show cuz you get to see their personality. Personality is that polar opposite that attracts me, not looks. Personality really lets you chose what kinda eyesight you have you others. Girls and Guys a like. People get uglier more flawed and not as fun to hang out with when their personalities can be found in anyone's Garbage Can. And on the real, people get cuter, and you care about them more genuinely when they are inherently good and you actually know something about them.

Keepin it 100%, if I had to chose between going out to dinner with Megan Fox or anyone else in the world. I would mostly like chose one of my girl friends ( Not to be confused with My one Girlfriend), cuz to me you are ones who are worth while.
And if you are wondering if that includes you, you'll never know. So go with your instinct.



To end this segment I will Leave you with a picture, that I edited to symbolize a day in the life of TK. for your viewing pleasure.

" You'll fall in love and you'll be screamin Demon"

-ThaTKy

Tha Question Of The Week

Welcome to a new car attached to the mind-moving force known as Tha Express - The Question of Tha Week. I feel there are a lot of questions that never get asked, just because people seem to ignore their imaginations or what not. But If you've picked up on my personality traits, Imagination has to be number 2 on the list ...right behind an irresistible charismatic persona.

You see I'm pretty sure I got away with saying that because all of you know I'm totally joking, and because I am totally joking, what I'm joking about is actually totally working.. It's funny how things work huh? But no worries I will not abuse my knowledge of my abilities

Speaking Of Abilities Lets get to the Question? I am a firm believe in Superpowers, that some people have them, don't use them, don't realize them. What not... So my question is

"If you could have a superpower, what would it be? and why?" ... also with these powers what would your superhero name be?

Let's just clarify that there powers don't have to help you to save the world. Cuz honestly if you wanted to be able to create spaghetti with the snap of your fingers then go ahead. I wouldn't blame you, spaghetti is delicious... I dunno If i had to choose between really good spaghetti or Girls... I might just choose spaghetti.... Might*
... I hope it never comes to that...

It's easy for me cuz I think about this everyday pretty much.

I'll provide you with my 2 favorites.. other than

the power of TK of course.

Power: Control the density/ elasticity of my body. - Similar to Mr. Fantastic or Mrs. Incredible. I would be made of controllable rubber material. I could bounce, expand, Get hard (not like that), and stretch to any length.

Benefits: I would be the craziest jumping athlete in the world. Go play ball with the boys and Jam all day with my rubber bounce. I can absorb impact from collisions to save millions, and if some on is about to fall to their death I can stretch out and grab them. Life is good.

How you gonna kill me?: Honestly if a bullet is coming my way ill just take it and stretch until it slows down, and depending on my mood slingshot it back at the enemy. With my ability to fluctuate my densities I could mash through walls, and slip out of ropes if I were tied up. Yes San Diego would be a little safer.. because roaming the streets would be the Super Hero known as:

THE RUBBER

OR

Power: Control my body temperature, from blistering cold, to hellish heat and everything in between. Ice or Fire, out of my hands either or both. Forget global warming... there is a new threat in the world.
I could chill the area, or warm it up.

Benefits: Well first off Fireball and Snowball fights! Well just snowball fights, but fireballs for other occasions. I'd never get sick, because I could oust all the viruses in entering my body before they got worse. I could control my metabolism ridiculously well too!No more need for Ice cubes or Matches or expensive air conditioning systems around me. And Who needs microwaves when you can cook your food in your own hands! Struggling with that Hot summer day? Come hang out with me, I'll cool you off. Cold night? Come give me a hug and your problems are solved. Yes if you are friends with me you will be better off.

How gonna kill me? Seriously barring the sneak attack, Villains you are screwed. I will torch your weapons, freeze your body temperature so you break down. Hide in an Ice block while sticking my tongue out at you just to spite your efforts. Evil will hate me, The girls will be sweating this new Hot Commodity Superhero known as:

FREEZERBURN

Bet ya didn't know I had a guest spot on Heroes!

So there you have it guys, tell me what you think? I would really like to know.
Also.. I realized I have a vidjeo Camera on a computer So I can now use skype, so if you ever wanna talk lemme know.


"Just another day in the life of TK"

-ThaTKy

TK's Top 3

Whats up Everybody. It's Summertime and things are going well... actually were going well Until my stupid built in mouse pad on the laptop has forced me to rewrite this whole thing for the third time... ahh. Ok Today on The Express I'll run you through My Top 3 Things That absolutely bug me.
I just watched the movie Bedtime Stories with Adam Sander, so I will present this Express in story form.

Bugsy!

The Tale of RumplestiltsKy

Long ago, all the way back to 5/22 A.D. ( Already Done, cuz that is what my day was). It was the morning.. and I was awoken by a soft vibrating sound at the side of my bed. It was a phone call from The Salo. Now you see I never get phone calls from my friends before I wake up, because they always sleep longer than me, So I figured it was something important.... and It wasn't. He just wanted to know what was going on.
" I'm Sleeping, man. What time is it?" I said. You see I thought it was 6 am or some wee hour of the morning. Boy was I wrong..

He replied," Sleeping? Ky it's 1:30pm. Are you serious right now?"

....1:30....
ONE THIRTY!..
apparently I was serious because it was ONEHUNDRENDAND(EXPLITIVE)THIRTY!!!

The phone was shut down, as I sat there and looked at the clock... The Salo tells no lies. It was 1:30. And I was pissed. Furious. It was strange, I was in an odd state of mind... a Dr. Mixologist concoction of Anger, which I displaced on my alarm clock, and Shock... shock because I felt like I had been tranquilized and just awoken in a far off land known as Myroom

The Moral Of This Story: I hate, HATE, Sleeping in. I wasted my life. I tried to blame it on my alarm clock for not being loud enough, but the truth is that it is just a machine... I am a Kylan. I am to blame. Which is why i stay furious the rest of the day... Gosh, I am never going to sleep again... EVER.

The Legend of the Kissy-Face Photos

There have been tales of sought out items, such as the Fountain of Youth or The Hand of Midas? There have been legends of people trying to have magic powers, Could Alchemist really turn milk into gold? Is there really a Shast? My fables end here and I will now present the truth. There is a magical device known as the Camera, which is able to freeze time forever. With this frozen time people can have memories and keepsakes.
Now you see magic is cool and all, and everyone likes it ya? Well get this, the magic value of a bunny being pulled out of a hat is technically the same as a moldy loaf of bread being pulled out of a shoe. As is the value between handkerchiefs being pulled out of a assistants sleeve and a small intestine out of their pant leg... Or is it?

Surprise

Truth is magic alone does not control the outcome. It is the responsibility of the magician who controls the power of the trick the proper use of the equipment if you will. Which is why I don't understand and have to ask WHY? Do people *mostly Girls* do the kissy face in 70% of photos... You kno the one where they kiss the air and look off to the side.... Hello!? ( Hi TK), The camera is this way! Let me tell you what I understand, I understand taking silly pictures... but only some. and if you are going to take silly pictures mix it up a little bit. What I don't understand is why people insist on repeating this face... It haunts me... absolutely. Don't get me wrong, i realize that not everyone is guilty of this TK sin, but still it makes no sense to me why most girls do it, ESPECIALLY when the stereotypical girl will say they hate they way they look in all of their pictures. As you can see by my disgust...
The Moral of This Story Is: Ky don't like the kissy face.


The Tale of The Silent Shuttle Rider

When I was traveling the colleges, I attended UCSD for 2 years. A school so big it needed a shuttle service, although it was walkable if you weren't lazy. Everyday there seemed magical, but not the kind of magic from I was talking about before.. no not nearly as grotesque. A magic that was eerie, kind of like The Wiz ( A musical about The wizard of OZ, featuring Micheal Jackson). You see at UCSD, there were talking trees, Singing trees, Gnomes watching television, an underground sewer world, and a magician a professor with handlebar mustaches that always disappeared into the crowd between classes. And a part from a young girl named Sarah, the land was struck by a spell where no one would talk to me. No even a simple hello.

Not a bad movie actually

This spell plagued the campus from day to day. Who wouldn't want to talk to TK? I guess the whole school would be the answer to that. Anyway every morning on the shuttle I would say hello, and ask people if they wanted to sit by me. just being polite ( Oh hey, you can sit here if you want) But no, every socially timid person wanted to sit in their own row of the shuttle... Bitches.. Excuse me ha.
So my 2 years there happened to end on the greatest note of them all...
It was the last day of school. and I got on the shuttle that last time. Today it was full No seats available except for the one next to me.. people were standing in the aisle way of the shuttle where a girl stood next to where i was sitting carring a coffee(no lid) and a sandwich. I said " Hey, You want to sit down?"

She just looked at me.. and didn't say a word... like a was some elephant in the room. or shuttle this day. I said " Aight then..." And gave her a Chauncey Billups Smile.

After a some what easy ride The Shuttle( driven by students) picked up speed and came to an abrupt stop...uh oh.. Maybe you should have sat down with me girl, because you just fell on your booty and spilled youcoffee on your shirt. I actually saw the whole thing. I didn't laugh though, at least on the outside. She got up and sat down next to me... and I just looked at her and said.. " Oh did you wanna sit down?, I'm sorry for not asking you first"

Moral Of the Story: I hate people who don't talk. Not even a simple hello... and I did laugh out loud.. once I got off the shuttle.

"And TK lived Happily Ever After"

Questions? Suggestions? Want a Shout out? Autographs? Need a Second date? Send Me a message I'll Get back to you Ha Just kiddin bout the last 2

-ThaTKy

Seeing Double

If you didn’t know, already I enjoy calling people nicknames. I believe the person who invented the concept of names is probably the coolest person in the world, besides Will Smith and select others. Of course the person who created names could be a real douche bag so I will leave that up in the air. Anyway one of my favorite things is when two unrelated people look a like and a nickname is formed. For example: in high school I had a teacher that looked like Ursula from The Little Mermaid, given the fact that she wasn’t that nice… she was dubbed Ursula (Nickname complete). So I will cross paths with a few look-a-likes, and of course I will leave some out. There are some nice ones: Red Sox Closer Jonathan Paplebon looks like Incrediboy, Adam Dunn looks like Will Ferel and Tim Meadows and Don Cheadle could be brothers --- but lets make it clear that only one would be able to properly buy someone a fish sandwich and only one could rep the name Ice Tray. On a personal note: Chris Cross Jesus Shuttlesworth Steverson I still think you look like Chris Duhon and Tony Battie. And Glen – you look like Ryan Seacreast and Daniel Craig.

To start it off


TK Express confidant: The Salo V. Former MLB Player John Mabry.

Father's Name: Jake Masters

Abilities: The occasional home run Jack

Rundown: Although they are both 6’4” and have that goofy smile they are not the same. One is an aspiring businessman one is an ex baseball role player. Given my knowledge of Mabry’s .230 something career batting average I would put my faith in The Salo for a sweet homerun jack. Mabry once hit for the cycle – The Salo cycles through numbers with ease in his accounting classes.

NBA benchwarmer: Oleksiy Pecherov V. Devious Baby: Stewie Griffin

Rundown: Its funny because they artists of Family Guy drew Stewie as a caricature – people aren’t supposed to look like this. But the bulging eyes and wide football shaped head are clearly apparent in Pecherov. If you have heard of Oleksiy its because of either 2 reasons. 1) You are a crazy basketball fanatic, and I mean crazy. Or 2) you are a DC native/ Turtle Fan … this means you Kyle Gampel.
Looks are similar… sure, but the truth is Stewie has more success, his diabolical schemes and comedy overpower Percherov’s lackluster play and destruction of any hope of being a successful 1st round pick for the Washington Wizards.

Wizards Young Gun: JaVale McGee V. Girl Magnet, domestic violence starter Girl Magnet: Chris Brown

Rundown: When the NBA draft happened last year I was really confused when I saw this picture of another Wizard’s 1st round pick. I really thought Chris Brown was drafted. I mean I’ve seen him play and he isn’t that good at all. Soon I realized the dude in the basketball uniform was 7 footer JaVale McGee. So one makes music and hits girls and gets away with it… the other plays basketball and joins the hopes of being the Big man Washington needs. I still think it would be a good idea to make shirts that say “ You should have picked me over Chris Brown” a message to all those girls who floundered over there beloved dancing boy. The truth is I dance too, fairly well I might add, but I don’t know a single girl who would have picked a date with me over CB. But let’s face it JaVale can wear a copy of this shirt (if ever made)… Chris, on the other hand, can not.

Funny Man: Dave Chappelle V. NFL Running Back : Felix Jones

This is Felix Jones

Could This Be... Dave Jones?

This is Dave Chappelle

Rundown: What’s funnier? Dave Chappelle Stand up or thinking about Dave Chappelle when Felix Jones scores a touch down on your team. Chappelle is one of the funniest comedians ever in my opinion and I honestly think if he went to the gym he would actually become Felix Jones. This one is actually a Tri-fecta, the third being the “Beef on the Ground” guy from the budweiser commercial. I’ll post the link below if you must know. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=63FmuKLCrQs&feature=related

R&B Singer: Lloyd V. Jovial Mascot: The Cleveland Indian

Will all the Cleveland Indians Report to the dance floor....

...Immegiately

Rundown: So its all in the smile true, but not any Jolly human being can be compared to this blatantly racist mascot. Lloyd not only has the smile but he has the chin and the nose to fit the part. Lloyd has some decent jams here and there and he is partly responsible for the word “immegiately” but I will always associate this guy with the baseball franchise. Sadly Lloyd was born in New Orleans not Cleveland so he isn’t the REAL Cleveland Indian .. that is still under investigation.





“ TK Don't Make No Mistakes”

-ThaTKy

Weekend Wrap Up April 26th 2009

What's up everybody and welcome to the 2nd installment of Tha TK Expresss Weekend Wrap Up Due the growing popularity and the hope I will be able to do things Worldwide I have decided to continue to supply the wandering mind.

In this W.W.u we will discuss main topics: Larry English, My conquered mountain, plots to siphon gas tanks, and the approaching quest to find the Individual of the Month

To get it out of the way, this weekend was the NFL draft. An event that a lot of dudes bros look forward to. Unproven athletes joining the NFL teams for lots of money is the name of the game. Anyway as a spend the majority of my weekend slaving a way on end of the year projects I realized that the draft is a waste of time. Not only do you just watch people say " With the _# pick, the So-and-So's pick... TK, superhero, The Hero's Academy." but you have to wait 10 minutes between picks... and what happens in between picks? Well analysts fill up time with pointless word clutter. I will never watch the draft again.

But the Chargers, surprised everyone with their pick at #16

Larry English Majors.

, Everyone but Ky that is. about 3 weeks ago I was on the basketball court and a friend Glen said " hey ky, who are we picking?" I replied "Larry English, because he has a cool name, and hes under the radar." The day of the draft, I received a text from Demetrius Jamz saying " Im holding you responsible for the success of Larry English." As one of my favorite motto goes

Don't Worry until I fail

No more draft.. its boring

Sunday morning I was taken in a car to Ramona, When the car stopped and I got out there was a dirt road lined with rotund trees. The type of trees that eat to much carbs and don't exercise, you may know them as shrubbery. I was met with a mountain. Iron mountain. don't be misled it was still made of earth. I climbed that mountain with Lily. 7 miles Top to bottom. Nothing impossible. By shoes used to be white, now they are brown. But I am healthier.


Back to Saturday,
Saturday April 25 was roulette wheel of birthdays for my friends. highlighted by Chris-Cross Jesus Shuttlesworth Steverson

Jes-Gil

, Old school best friend Cyndi Lundy, and Lil's friend Kassi. Who's birthday I went to Sat Night.

At this party I witnessed some weird things:
1. such as how people will talk to their friends and only their friends at a party no matter how awkward it is
2. Some people like the feel of honey in their hands.. as questionable as the satisfaction may be, I totally agree.
3. I learned about the endocrine system
4. I also learned about awkward words: Moist and DP being the headliners, but Also satisfied ,and In the Flesh...
5. Because people wouldn't get out of their social circles my friend Secret Gooser and I decided to think of ways to destroy people. Such as setting them on fire. I was slightly joking, as I was saying perhaps if they caught on fire, our group of friends would surround them to get warm. Until SG suggested we just siphon their gas tanks and spray them with gasoline over the water... At that moment I feared I had some of the same thoughts as an arsonist..
6. I learned some people wear white tight pants and carry murses...
7. Last but not least from this night, In context, I said to my friends " I bet most girls would say yes to going on a cruise with me without their boyfriend." Haters didn't believe so I put my act to work. And got a "yes, I would go with you". - Immegiately I was accused of some Girl Stealing action... TK? Of Course Not! I just trust my ability to make social connections with my friends.


This weekend I spend doing homework and thinking of the future, but I also reminisced of the past. Specially the days when I watched Figure skating...

That was me... but more masculine.. actually not that much more masculine to be honest..

Yes. The likes of Kristi Yamaguchi, Michelle Kwan, Syria Bonali, Scott Hamilton Rudy Galindo and Brian Boitano filled my childhood. You may laugh, but I am more graceful than the lot of you.

Soon my thoughts shifted to an up and coming TK Express Event. The Individual of the Month a segment that is still in the makings where I chose an individual to highlight and praise and go through a unscripted, out of the ordinary interview. Depending on the success of the Express who knows who we might get. So keep your ears open, because I might be coming to you to be the headliner. I encourage suggestions as well.


I will terminate with the fact that I am still sick... one of the longest lingering sickness I have had since I developed the only known immunity to the common cold. I blame this ill term for any lack of writing in this post. If I do have swine flu... Actually I don't have swine flu... never mind.

Thanks for the support of Tha TK Express. Perhaps one day I will go live and have a show similar to The Soup. except better. and not on E!

"And the girls Love us"


-ThaTKy

Top Ten Mustachios

Welcome to the first edition of TK's Top Ten. Before i get stated I have gotten some suggestions that perhaps I should sell food along with the writing and to that I say No. I am not Panda Express. And for that matter I will not issue out clothing for I am not the Express store either.

What is a mustachio? The Mustache.. is a feat that can be pulled off by few, but there are more than few who rock it. The ones who wear the mustache at the expense of themselves bring joy and comedy to this world are what my crew and I call

mustachios

. Of course there are dudes who are awesome with the Stache such as Burt Reynolds, Sean Connery,The Most Interesting Man In The World, Johnny Depp, Jake Masters and Zorro to name a few. But This list is for a far different kind of awesome, and if it weren't for my lack of mental thesaurus books I would describe the awesomeness otherwise. To the dudes who wear the Stache and look like child molesters( but are not) this Top Ten is for you.To The dude that are accompanied by mustaches and can't help but being associated with this music <http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BfdEn0fNdvs&feature=related> This Top Ten Is For You A few months ago I discussed with The Salo..." I really enjoy mustachios, but I am glad I am not one myself" And with that.. number 10


10. Joseph Stalin and Vladimir Lenin - I didn't want to put Hilter because of the tragedy he has caused in our history books, So instead a put a lesser duo of Villains, if you will.

Now you Know why you remember these guys from history class...

Its the Stache

9.Mon.. err Borat - Perhaps a comedy act itself, Borat was a ridiculous movie that was a waste of time. But the mustachio awareness advocated by every scene he was in made me enjoy watching the movie once, and only once...

Very Nice

8. Juan Pierre - A speedster in the MLB, Juan broke in as a young lad and who know what was going through his mind but he challenged the Stache, May be he was trying to look older, who knows but thank goodness he smiled for the camera landing him at number 8.

I still can't understand why he decided to grow one, but I'm sure glad he did.

7. Nick Cage - If you don't know already Nicholas Cage is a walking joke in the acting world already, what better way to top off his mediocre acting skills and monotone voice? That's right a Mustachio.

Not related to Nicholas Naje or Nippleless Naje

6. Yosemite Sam - A child hood cartoon legend, never a star character thanks to the likes of Bugs and Daffy. But this dude balled it up in Space Jam, and he beats out Elmer Fudd any day if you ask me, Not to mention the overwhelming establishment of Mustache that leaves all his facial features to the descriptive "what if's" of children.. Gotta leave more to the imagination is Sam's motto.. I wonder if a real mustache could ever reach the eye brows like Sam's can..

Whats more entertaining than a sharp shooting mustachio in a hat?

5. The Mario Brothers -

Its a Me.

Take Some Plummers, add in some athletic ability but no muscle tone, and sprinkle in a curiously horrific movie and what do you have? Mario Brothers..All 4 of them, probably the most famous mustachio of them all is Mario who brings his crazy Italian family who all hold the genes to make the list. Multi-talented Mario has captivatd children throughout the years with his ability to fight evil and rep all the mustachios around the world.

A little Salvador Dali- like

You gamers take him and his family for granted but would you really play his games if he was mustache-less? I think not!






4. Coming at 4 is Prince. For the attempt to have the best of both worlds. Mustache and no mustache = result- little baby mustache and music that somehow sucks you in to a weird world of purple and and rain... and perhaps a little game of basketball. My boy Dave Jones Chappelle portrays this 3rd place runner up best.

Dear Prince, you are not Clark Gable, you are no Zorro, but thanks for the enjoyment

Sincerely,
That Guy

3. The Medal Rounds kick off with E. Good.

A real team player, E goes the whole nine yards. dress up and all.

A good friend of mine who sacrifices himself for the good of the game. Participant in Mustache March and Novembeard, this dude goes all out and risks his life by growing out the stache in a racist nation that might accuse him of being too ethnic.A great source of imagination if I do say so myself, E. Good you are appreciated in Top Ten Mustachios and in Life.( Events appreciated in, in order of event importance)


Second Place......


2. The Pringles Dude - These tasty chips in their cylindrical container not only provide delicious taste and stair steps to heart disease, they also provide mustachio number one. Funny? Yes! Big and Outlandish? Yes! Mustache to body ratio above 65%? Of Course! This one has got it all. Not to mention that borderline girly dude smirk. Gosh Pringles dude, you are mustachio number 2.

Oh Yah AND a Bowtie!

The Winner Is..

1. Proffessor Chaos Buttas - An experiment that was not triggered by any event other than the thought of " perhaps I will never shave again" Buttas was taken away and sealed away in a tomb, and on Easter morning the door was miraculously opened and Buttas came out alive with a new friend.. Stachia. This mustache not only scared me, but it haunted me because once I played basketball with it, and Buttas too. A historical event in my life time. I hope to never see this again...And due to the mere fear that this Stache will attack me in the night, This is Mustachio number 1.

Not to mention his shirt has a mustache as well..

... No Words Today Fellow Readers... No Words..

Notable Runners Up: Gimli (LOTR), Magnum PI, Chaplin,Derrick Rose, Dr. Watson,Captain Hook and Rollie Fingers, and CJ Wilsons Yahoo Profile Pic < http://sports.yahoo.com/mlb/players/7571 >


"How Bout That Guy!"

-ThaTKy

Weekend Wrap Up April 19 2009

This weekend started with another failed attempt to climb a mountain. Nothing serious, like rock climbing, just a hike. However I had been bailed on, or should I say i was not on the priority list of those who I wish to climb with me. Just like My quest to get human Jenga participants, my dreams were crushed.

So instead, knowing my plans had been foiled, I spent some time with the legend Demetrius. At Von's that day not only were we stimulated by The Panda, but also by a sighting of Professor Chaos himself, Buttas Lemur Fighter De Chris Kaman Islands Nevares. Although Buttas is my neighbor and is literally 70 yards away, I never see him. I spend Endless efforts to approach his doorstep for a game of basketball only to leave with nothing but a "what's up" said to his turtle. In this encounter at the store I was informed that I was the greatest basketball player he has ever seen... and lived next to. A consolation prize I will accept.

The NBA playoffs started this weekend so I will leave you with my first round picks.
In The East
Lebron and the show, over AI's devastation.
The Truth Celtics over the Cry Baby Bulls.
The Brand name 76ers over The Shoulders of Superman
General Joe Johnson over The developing ball hog wade.
In The West
T-Mac-Less Rockets over Roy's Boys
Old mavericks, over the Older Spurs
CP3 overtaking Rocky Mountain Melo
And The Jazz over the Lakeshow.

Anymore predictions: MLB world Series = Marlins over Rays. Attendance... None.

Friday night I thought about making the statement, that I don't like anyone who is part of a sorority or fraternity. However I realized that I would be making a discriminatory generalization that would outlaw some of my good friends. I will not make this statement official regardless of how true the percentage distribution may be.


Weekend continued... Saturday I participated in a 3 mile breast cancer walk..or run. or Jog. Where I got cool T shirt, a free smoothie, and exercise that will allow me to live longer than most of you.
At this event I got to see my friend Courtney literally be in the zone.. making sure everything was going smoothly, I was kind of scared so I refrained from making my presence known until after if was over.Also while on the track I was informed of a Harry Potter event by my loudest friend Megan, that reminded me of my senior year in high school. When during AP testing I was approached my a little Asian girl who asked me if i was the actor who played Viktor Krum in the 4th Harry Potter Movie. Ah yes. If only I could make some cash like that...

Its clear to see I hardly look like this...

As you can see this isn't a Don Cheadle- Tim Meadows connection but it is what it is, and perhaps that girl, whoever she was, had the best day of her life meeting Viktor Krum.Note being taken...I was not invited to this spoken of HP event, and for that I cast a spell on Megan and now she is stuck with me in her life.


It is now Sunday.. and I am developing some sort of sickness. While lying around all day I have come to re-realize that television is 98% stupid. Consisting of pointless shows, and repetitive commentary. An example being a show called Madden Nation.. A show were you watch punk-ass nonathletic kids, play video games for money and act as if they are the greatest thing in the world for it.( Not to mention the pure overload of steezy Mustache presented by one of the participants, Not Top Ten Mustachio) With the overuse of such phrases as "Gimme that!!!", and "Lets Go!!!" which are uttered after scoring video game touchdowns..- due to this show I will never say these phrases again.... :( I enjoy video games from now and then, but honestly...?


Special Events this week Included Jackie Robinson Day, NHL and NBA playoff start ups, The Padres short lived position in 1st place and Derek Wung's Birthday. And probably most importantly this week was another week down towards summer. Although I firmly believe summer could start now because most of my teachers are struggling to teach me any new material which results in busy work. Since I can't stop school, I will do my best to continue to smash on everyone's grades by setting the curve, and so should all of you... don't worry summer is almost here.

Just Imagine..

"Pea The Wizard"

-ThaTKy